Dammit, Cynthia!

Sometimes, I check my Spam folder. And sometimes, I just have to wonder: Who would actually go through with sending this e-mail? That is, who would sit down with the intention of marketing a project, write this, and then send it to the general public? Today's installment:



Why, Cynthia, why?! Who thinks of that?!?! Of course, I opened the e-mail.


No words. Just...no words.

Of Christmas jackets and holiday cheer

I GOT MY JACKET!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And so ends the saga. Thanks, Hogan! I'll post happy reunion pictures when I get access to a camera with which to take them. Congratulations to all of you who correctly guessed that I would receive my jacket before the end of the year!

this. is. RIDICULOUS.

Okay, so John found this website that shows a series of images created by a decorated (so-to-speak) Chinese artist living in Germany. The images are little pictograms comparing Eastern and Western cultures, which I happened to find brilliantly insightful and just simply perfect. We e-mailed them to all our friends working here in Korea with us to give them a giggle.

You can check it out here.

Anyway, then I sat down and started reading some of the comments on the images. It was nuts. Some people said they were blatantly racist against Asians. Others said they thought the images made more fun of Westerners. But most people thought the same as John and I did (including one of the Koreans I work with). Those differences are so flippin true(mostly) and are the source of a lot of both our joys and frustrations living here. BUT THEEEEN there's this one guy who made an argument so outdated that he engaged every single person commenting on the site in an argument: that it is wrong to point out cultural differences and all stereotypes only lead to bad things. When people disagreed with him he flipped out and started swearing at them and used a whole lot of straw man arguments and non-sensical grammar. It was amazing. It was like watching a wet cat being backed into a corner by a bunch of hungry dobermans. But the point is the images - I think they make fun of both cultures equally and you guys might get some idea of what we're experiencing on a daily basis. So you should check them out.

...in which the internet implies that Danny is dumb

So I'm innocently looking up a summary of the made for TV movie, Riddle of the Sphinx, which is currently airing on the SciFi channel, and...

Miscellany

I just had a class canceled on me so I've got a minute to drop a line here.....


(I also just had one of the little instant coffee cups you can get here, which is half sugar, half caffeine, and half coffee flavoring...so if I seem a little wired it's because I've had 150% of a cup of fake coffee, amazingly.)

Anyway, I've got a solid week and a half here to do Christmas activities with my students, and am now accepting suggestions for what to do with the little buggers in a post-final exam environment. Please keep in mind that the little punks are either sick or blazing with energy at this point, and most likely will not stay seated or quiet unless they've got a really good reason to.

Also, I don't know where you guys get your news, but if you get it from the BBC you may have learned that South Korean courts just fined the parents of a teenage rapist for neglecting their parental duties. Check it out:

"The teenager is serving a 10-year sentence for the rape, but a court in Seoul ruled that his parents were also liable for his crime.

A court statement said: 'The parents could have prevented the crime with appropriate education but failed to show enough attention to their child.

'They neglected their duty to raise their child so that he can properly adjust to society.'"

Here's the rest of the article, if you're interested: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7782245.stm

I mean, what do you guys think of this? This could be huge.....what if other countries start following suit? (Although honestly I think if other countries started doing the same that it wouldn't get past Asia.) But I'm a little flabbergasted. I wonder how in depth the investigation went, and what Korean standards for parental neglect are, and how they could prove it and all that stuff. Just imagine if a similar ruling had occurred in the States.

....That's all.

I am astounded.

I honestly don't think I need to introduce this.

I am at the library because...

Hello everyone,

I have been quiet for a little while here, running around and finishing projects.

As far as that goes, I'm almost done!! My presentation is ready and all and I was even on the news in Rhinelander for about 5 seconds after surviving a 3 hour fun filled drive through a blizzard at 6 in the morning to get to these meetings.

http://titancast.titantv.com/p/wjfw/v/Utilizing-the-Waterfront/1ACA0TEG.aspx

The meetings were actually worthwhile, and i don't look too strung out!

In other news, I probably wont be posting anytime soon because my computer got JACKED while it was minding its own business sitting on my desk in my room! If any of you frequent pawn shops in the madison area, keep your eyes peeled?

luckily for me these douchebags took the time to remove my thumb drive and fling it on the floor, which has pretty much saved my life as my entire capstone project was on that, with the only back up being on my laptop.

I guess the upside of this is that we have a nice, new, and clean living room window.

Oh and by the way Danny, you wont have to wait much longer... christmas/channukah/holidays are right around the corner!

Until next time,
H

Oh, to be a Greek

Today, I love Greece. No matter how many times I've made fun of their ridiculous language, I applaud them for their rioting. Even though most of the rioters are anti-capitalist, I appreciate their intolerance of the government killing any of the people.

I miss a good riot. I feel as though I was cheated out of some good rioting years here in Madison by the Halloween changes. So, today I live vicariously through communistic Greeks. I shall have myself a Gyro to commemorate this moment.

Oh my God.

This woman in my office has literally been on the phone for half an hour talking to a customer service representative of some company. This is what seems to have happened:

It appears that the woman was previously signed up to receive some product or service from this company. She allegedly cancelled her subscription, and they assured her that they would not charge her again. But then they did.

So now she's trying to get her money refunded, and an assurance that she's not going to be charged again. But she's been on the phone for HALF AN HOUR! Saying the SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!

"But I called you before, and you told me you wouldn't charge me. And now you're doing it again! I want you to stop it! And I want that money refunded right now!" (again and again and again....)

AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Pearl Harbor Day!!!

Quick, have a Kamikaze!

(Sarah, I'm sorry to hear you're sick... If you have a Kamikaze, you should probably make sure your Korean friends know that you're doing so out of opposition to the Japanese, rather than in deference :-D)

I really needed this.

...the best part is it's the second edition.

I am capable of wonderful things!

Oh man. I just made Spanish chicken with rice. And it is. Amazing. It is absolutely mandatory that you guys try this recipe. It's seriously everything that a meal ought to be.

I only made a few changes to the recipe: I left the skin on the chicken (obviously), and therefore didn't add the second 2 Tbsp of oil after browning. I added cayenne pepper the salt and black pepper that I used to season the chicken, which added a really nice hint of spiciness. And because cans of tomatoes are 14.5 oz and not 16, I used 14.5 oz of tomatoes instead of 16 (and it didn't screw anything up).

Other than that, I pretty much followed the recipe completely. I used arborio rice, and in case you were wondering, a "capsicum" is a bell pepper. Pairing it with a really good bread would have been an awesome idea, but I didn't think of it when I was at the supermarket. But nevertheless, this is one of the best meals I've ever cooked. And it was super cheap, too! Literally the only downside is that it takes a while to cook, but you just have to let it simmer, so you can do other stuff. Anyway, there's plenty left over, so if any of you are in the area, feel free to stop by!

...in which Danny gets to work

So I was supposed to talk to my boss over last weekend to discuss when I was going to be starting work, but despite four phone calls and two messages, I was unable to reach him. Couldn't get a hold of him on Monday either. So I figured I'd just start after Thanksgiving, and stayed up until about 3:30 on Monday night.

9:05 Tuesday morning, telephone rings. It's my dad, who apparently just talked to my boss (they're friends). He says, "Get up; Harold wants you to come in." So on some 5 and a half hours of sleep, I'm off to my first day of work! Great way to get started...

The job is pretty much in line with what I was doing last summer, which is pretty cool. My role is basically to satisfy my boss' curiosity about things that he doesn't understand very well, but he thinks might be important (historically, about the energy industry, and that seems to be continuing). Right now, I'm doing research on the electricity industry's modernization efforts to see if there are any opportunities for my firm to invest in. It's a little boring, but I've already learned a lot and it definitely fits in with my other research on the energy industry and climate change. So all in all, it seems like it's going to be a pretty decent way to spend a few months!

By the way...troll toll? Brilliant! (Just watched the It's Always Sunny finale...)

North Korea Ho!

Here is a short list of what's been going on over here:

1 All 8th graders are little shits and should simply be put in cryostasis for that year.
2 I've started to do some calligraphy and it's been kind of sweet! I have no idea what I'm doing though.
3 My kids have been learning about Thanksgiving this week. They've been making leaves out of colored paper and writing things they are thankful for on them. You can't know the sense of validation I get from one 9th grader's leaf: "I am thankful for Sarah teacher because great preparing and nice teaching. first of all very pretty." I really did do a bit of preparing so they could make those colorful leaves. Oh, one of the 8th graders even wrote a short letter about how he was thankful for me and really sorry his "bad friends break the class" (meaning ruin class).
4 John is getting an award for one of the Yeoju English Stars programs we did! (YES is an English program held every other Saturday for low-income kids).

Lastly, I thought you might find it interesting that the South Koreans REALLY REALLY want reunification with North Korea, but so far that hasn't been possible. And now, North Korea is once again closing its border with South Korea. I did not understand the gravity of this until John and I went to the DMZ (demilitarized zone) two Sundays ago and learned a bunch about the history of it. By the way, Hogan, you were dead on about how the DMZ has served as a de facto wildlife preserve. The DMZ is home to several rare and otherwise extinct species of animals and plant life. I got a sweet tin camping mug souvenir and a red bandana with a map of North Korea on it, so I have proof I was there.

Also, I got a peek at North Korea! You are now looking at the largest flag atop the largest flagpole in the world. Pretty sweet, eh? (You might have to click on the image to actually see it)

Thanksgiving?!?!

Hello again everybody! Tiz that time of year again, when we all are supposed to turn into goldfish and eat way more than we should. So, I'm wondering what everyone will be doing for Thanksgiving. Danny, do Jews celebrate Thanksgiving in October like Canadians? Sarah, is there any sort of giant Asian bird that can substitute?

As for me, I'm headin' home to Racine. I'm bringing my little cat, Steve, along. So, most of my time will likely be spent preventing my parents' dog from having a little Thanksgiving feast of his own. When I'm not doing that I'll be dining on stuffing that I will be making myself (gasp!) and a chicken instead of turkey, because I'm just a contrarian that way.

Hope everyone has a fantastic Thanksgiving and a delicious start to the holiday season.

George Bush in a poncho!

Thank you, world:



Once again proving that it's impossible to be unhappy in a poncho.



Update:

Facebook advertisement of the day:

December 2nd: Everybody Gets (Kenneth) Layed!

Some of you may recall that at one point, I put together a brilliant list of party theme ideas which could be executed year around for drinking hilarity. I think it would make sense to post them here as the year goes on, with enough warning time for them to be executed properly, so that some of you guys might actually be able to carry them out.

The next party idea is for December 2nd, the anniversary of Enron's bankruptcy filing. The theme should be along the lines of a CEO's and corporate ho's party. In honor of Kenneth Lay, everyone should be given a lei to wear, and drinks should be in tropical corporate retreat style. Since Kenneth Lay died in 2006, some fond words should be offered in remembrance of this hero of the free market.

Enjoy!

Hooray!!

My climate change paper has been accepted for peer review at The Independent Review (a quarterly journal published by The Independent Institute)! Of course, it doesn't mean anything yet, but at least it wasn't rejected outright; that's a start, dammit! Hopefully in a few months, you'll be able to say that one of your college friends is a published philosopher...

A note for Muslims...

Yoga is officially off limits. So is being a tomboy.

....Umm....

I may or may not have a slight obsession at the moment...

All this talk of food has made me hungry!

Danny, I found you the ultimate site for recipes:

Generate me a recipe!

"Injoy!"

...en que Nisse deja Españita.

....is this really where I´ve been living? Sigh....
I leave tomorrow morning! By this time tomorrow I will be nearly to chilly Chicago. Still sad to leave because I was just getting comfortable and had made friends here, my Spanish is borderline acceptable again, etc. But I´m looking forward to seeing those of you I will see, and to keeping the others updated on what´s going on in the upper midwest.

In honor of my return to the nation of my birth, I present Mr. Washington (still hilarious):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbRom1Rz8OA

Goodbye and hello!

Portuguese fish stew!

Y'know, there's very little that's more satisfying than making delicious food in a traditional style from the Old World, and finding out that it's actually really easy. Tonight was Portuguese fish stew night! I started with this recipe from Recipezaar. I used 2 lbs of cod, substituted a 28 oz can of crushed tomatoes for the whole tomatoes (given that the recipe wanted me to mash them anyway and I believe in simplicity), and added some oregano and sugar (to counter acidity as the tomato cooked) at the same time as the tomatoes went in (I put the salt and pepper in at the same time, instead of at the end of the recipe). The cans of tomato sauce that were available at the supermarket had slightly less than a cup, but whatever. And of course, while I didn't measure how much cayenne pepper I put in, it was almost certainly more than 1/2 tsp.

The product was frikkin' amazing, even right after cooking! I had two bowls and put the rest in the fridge to mellow overnight; I'm bringing it to my mom's for dinner tomorrow. I can only imagine how excellent it will be by then once the flavors have had some time to marry!

On the cost side, the most expensive part was obviously the fish; two pounds at $8.99/lb came out to $18. I had most of the other stuff already, and the ingredients I needed to buy (tomatoes, sauce, and green bell pepper) were of negligible expense. Luckily, my dad had an opened bottle of white wine in the fridge, so I didn't have to buy that. But given that it's a fish dish, white wine could be served alongside the meal.

Using the two pounds of fish, the recipe made almost 3/4 gallon of stew -- easily enough to serve a few people. You could probably serve it over rice to feed even more people for negligible expense, though I didn't try it.

Anyway, trust me; this recipe is definitely worth it. It's really easy to make, and is one of those meals that will make white people admire you for your worldliness.

Update:

Because I love you, Sarah...

...in which Danny finds out that Leanne voted for McCain

There's really not much to say here that isn't conveyed in the title. I went out with Leanne (the girl from the sushi restaurant) and her roommate last night, and it was pretty fun. We even met a guy named Tim at the bar who turned out the be a libertarian (I think it might have been the first time I've ever randomly met a libertarian while at a bar!). So all in all, a good night. Except Leeane voted for McCain.

Given that she's clearly not consumed by an interest in politics, I see no reason why that has to have an effect on anything. I just thought I should put it out there. McCain.

The following is crass, yet hilarious.

Hahaha

Finally! My car odyssey is over!!

So I finally got myself a car, after an entire fucking month of trying. I ended up paying like $6,500 for a maroon-ish 2004 Suzuki Verona, which is a car that would never have occurred to me as a realistic option, but which was worth significantly more than $6,500. It has an almost certainly gas-guzzling V6 engine and an automatic transmission, both of which are negatives. But it's a car, and I can stop thinking about it! So hooray!!

I just figured I should share. I'll leave you with this:

...in which Keith Olbermann continues to be wonderful, and Lindsey Lohan is even more ridiculous than Danny's father.

Admittedly I don't always love Keith Olbermann, he sometimes rants himself a bit over the line, but this is pretty fantastic:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnHyy8gkNEE

As is this, in a completely sad way:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/11/11/lindsay-lohan-calls-obama_n_143087.html

Special thanks to Klaus Lovendahl for the first video.

Kung fu is almost as great as Brian Arndt

Top 5 most entertaining and awesome kung fu movies I've seen so far on the kung fu channel:

1) The Flying Guillotine

2) Duel of the Iron Fist

3) Avenging Eagle

4) Shaolin Temple (1982, not 1976)

5) Shaolin Abbot

Honorable mentions: Shaolin Mantis; Mad Monkey Kung Fu

Just in case anyone was wondering.

Update:

I should also note that in Four Riders, David Chiang karate chops a guy in the throat three times, and then strangles another guy to death with a telephone chord. And he's a good guy!

...in which Danny cooks for an hour and a half, only to discover that he doesn't really like beef kidney

Yea...that's pretty much all there is to it. It's not terrible, but I don't really like it. However, the sauce was really awesome, so maybe try it with a different meat. (I guess this is why kidney only costs $1.50/lb...)

...in which Nisse comes home, and things are re-examined..

Yeah, I don't really want to talk about it.

24 or 14?

I went out to the bars with people on Friday and Saturday night this past weekend, which, as you all know, is pretty unremarkable by itself. The strange part was that, for the first time in my entire life (including when I was using a fake ID), I was asked for a second form of ID. This happened not just for the first time alone, but also for the second, third, fourth, and fifth times.

Not only was I asked for a second form, but I was then grilled about my middle name, address, and birthday. At one unclassy place (a shed that happens to be red) the bouncer even turned to my friends and asked them what my real name was. Obviously I passed these tests, because I actually am Andy Stravers, age 24.

I understand that I look different than on my ID, because that was 8 years ago when I was 16. Does a beard and longer hair actually make me look younger? Does looking older actually make this class of bouncers wonder if I am too young? I wouldn't have thought twice about it if it had happened once or even twice, but it was a unanimous opinion amongst these gatekeepers of post-9 pm alcohol. Every bar. WTF?

On a completely different subject, I have realized that living with Wayne for the past three years has made me take bread completely for granted. It was simply always there by massive quantity and variety. I arrive home from grocery shopping with sandwich meat, brats, hot dogs, burgers, and other products that rely on bread, only to realize that I skipped past the bread aisle without a second thought. Tiz a sad day when bread is no longer free and abundant.

A baller dinner spread

So my friend Karen came over tonight to play dinner party, and we (I) made a truly triumphant meal. The food was really good, so I figured I'd share the recipes with you folks. We started with a Thai coconut chicken soup, and I pretty much followed the recipe except that I substituted a green chili for the jalapeno (mmm...spicy!), and it seems like there are cellophane noodles in there and I didn't put any in (and I only made a half recipe). I'd probably use a bit less fish sauce next time, too. Then we had roasted tofu with shiitake, soy, and ginger over baby spinach, and again I pretty much followed the recipe, except I used rice vinegar instead of rice wine vinegar.

I tried to find ginger ice cream for desert, but they didn't have any at the supermarket. They did have this really cool coconut sesame ice cream, though, and I definitely recommend it; it was delicious. I also wanted to make gingered gin and tonics to drink, but again I was met with failure. First, I rediscovered Connecticut Blue Laws, which prohibit alcohol sales on Sundays -- no gin. I decided to substitute vodka, and while the end result tasted good, it didn't taste like ginger at all (who would have guessed that vodka, lime juice, sugar, and tonic water would be good?!). The only thing I can think of to explain it was that I halved the recipe, and that meant halving the amount of ginger. But given that there was half of everything else, I really don't think that would explain it. Maybe the recipe sucks? This drink is so awesome in concept that I will have to figure out a way to fix it, dammit.

In any case, all things considered, it was a really successful meal. There was probably enough food for three people (if they weren't all big eaters), and even though there wasn't any meat or starch, it's 3:00 AM and I'm not particularly famished. It requires some ingredients that are pretty distinct to Asian cooking (fish sauce, coconut milk, and rice/rice wine vinegar), and a fair bit of time and effort (but nothing too complicated; most of the work is in prep). I already had some of the ingredients I used (particularly the booze), but I ended up spending about $40. I do have a meal's worth of food left though, so I'd say it was definitely worth it. If you're down for a solid semi-light Asian meal, this is a good one.

My dad is a ridiculous person, and Bacon beats Fries

So a few weeks ago, my dad was at a sushi restaurant called Tengda in Westport with one of his friends. His waitress was a girl named Leeane, a blonde ex-sorority girl from the town over who had just graduated with a degree in marketing from Johnson and Wales University in Rhode Island. How do I know all this about Leeane, you might ask? That's a good question.

My dad, being my dad, decided that Leeane was cute, and that I should meet her. And he told Leeane so, initially demanding that she call me on the spot, but eventually settling for her promise that she would text message me when she got off work. And she actually did! But though my dad implored me to go meet her, it turned out she wasn't available. So nothing came of it.

About a week and a half later, my dad was in the restaurant again with another friend, and Leeane was his waitress again. He demanded to know why she and I hadn't hung out, and she (almost certainly embarrassedly) pointed out that we had spoken, but that nothing had worked out. She text messaged me again, but it turned out she wasn't going out that night, and so again nothing came of it.

Fast forward to last night. My dad is leaving for a business trip to Israel, and I am to drive him to the airport. On the way, we stop for sushi, and at this point the staff at the restaurant even jokes with him about being seated with Leeane (of course, he is on a first-name basis with the restaurant's management). She comes over, and my dad says, "By the way, this is my son." We shake hands. He proceeds to demand that we hang out, and she points out that as the boy, it's my job to call her. He harasses her a little more over the course of the dinner, but she takes it in stride. On the way out, he stops into the bathroom, and Leeanne tells me my dad makes her nervous; I apologize, and assure her he means no harm. She wasn't really my type, but she was pretty and seemed nice enough.

So I text her later, pointing out that I think I owe her a drink, and we end up going to a bar in Fairfield. There's not much else to the story; we had a pretty good time, and I'll probably see her again at some point. But the moral is that my dad is very possibly the most ridiculous human being on the face of the Earth, and yet he somehow is a pretty good wingman.

In other news, Bob Bacon beat Matt Fries for a seat in the Colorado senate. Genius!

Art has no price

http://www.27bslash6.com/overdue.html

in which luck changes.

Two things, quickly because I have limited internet access:

1. oBAM!a! You have no idea how happy people are about this over here, although I really wanted to be back in the states just for that night, preferably in the middle of Grant Park in Chicago.

2. I probably have a job! I´m interviewing tomorrow with a family to be a live-in au pair, go figure--kind of came at the last minute when I was about to give up on finding something I could support myself on. So wish me luck!

Hope all are well, long witty post to come soon.

uhhh....sorry about this. i'm just going a little crazy sitting across from this man.

A couple of conversations I had with Wilber, the super-Christian, 53-year-old western Pennsylvanian Republican who teaches high school English here:

Me: Wilber, are you sad about the election results?
Wilber: (obnoxiously) Well, I'm not overly happy about it.
Me: I'm sorry, I know how disappointing that is.
Wilber: Well, it is what it is.

later on....

Me: Hey Wilber, aren't you proud of your country for overcoming its historic racial prejudices and electing a black man as president?
Wilber: I have no problem with a black man being president.
Me: Of course you don't, you're not like that. But isn't it some comfort that even though your candidate lost, your country made history today?
Wilber: I have no problem with a black man being president. I'm no redneck. I just didn't want it to be Barack Obama. I would have voted for Colin Powell in the 80s if he had ran. (he repeated this like three times).
Me: I never suggested you would have a problem with it. In fact, in asking the question, I assumed you don't have a problem with it. I just thought that might be a ray of sunshine for you. It was for John McCain.
Wilber: Yeah, and you saw how the crowd reacted when he said stuff like that in his speech.

(if you'll recall they were booing and stuff, and mccain got pissed at them for it)

Okay, granted, I should have just left him alone and not tried to make him feel better, but...GAH! What a DOUCHE. Aaaand, then he starts talking about how all of Barack Obama's moral values are exactly opposite of his, and how he doesn't support gay rights because gays are not a minority and are not denied any civil rights, and how he's anti-abortion because he doesn't want to fund it with his taxes. (as if a child who is born to someone who can't afford the child wouldn't be supported by the state for much of his/her life) AND he teaches English and says "don't" instead of "doesn't" and "good" instead of "well".....allllll the time! Oh man, last thing: Yesterday, I found a Women of the Bible word search in the copier. How inappropriate could you possibly get. And he's the world's greatest mouth-breather - I hear him 100% of the time he is around me.


Wow that felt good. Thanks.


Regardless, yesterday was still absolutely exhilarating.

taste of madison

its been an exciting few days here in madison!

for the couple days leading up to the election there was more political activity than I've ever seen in one place. Voter registration was taking place everywhere, really- there were signs and flyers up, emails and radio spots, stands selling t-shirts and yard signs- and lots and lots of discussion. There was even a plane low flying around the city pulling an Obama flag.

Dan and I, here with no television, were listening to cnn on the computer and checking the sites often- all of a sudden, they called the entire west coast and Obama won it!!

We decided to blow off whatever else we were doing to go to a bar and watch the various speeches. We made it to pauls club just in time to hear most of McCains speech which was just a warm up (with a couple shots) for the speech to follow. Deciding the tv wasn't big enough in pauls, we booked it down to Brats (yeah, I know) and got a front row spot 2nd floor, won the flip on two leinies and watched one of the most anticipated speeches- and one of the best delivered.

After winning yet another flip on a pitcher we got the hell out of there (it was brats, after all) intending to go home but we got swept up in a huge march going on- capitol to bascom and all over the city- of students cheering and celebrating, playing music and waving flags.

I'm not kidding, all of bascom hill was packed with students! We were only one of thousands of celebrations around the world. Maybe, just maybe, I can be proud to say I am an american.

I Pwn3d the GRE; It Pwn3d Me Back

So I'm trying to get my grad school applications out, and one of the things they want you to put on there is your GRE score. Except those bastards have yet to send me my scoring report. And apparently, it costs $12 to get them to tell you on the phone. Twelve dollars!

Now my mom decides that it's worth paying, so that I can send my applications in a few days earlier. Why? Who knows. So I call, and turns out that the entire thing is automated. I just paid twelve dollars to type a bunch of numbers into a computerized database and have it give me my score in a jerky computer voice. Pwn3d.

However, the computer had good things to say, so I'm not taking it too hard. My 700 on the verbal portion put me in the 97th percentile, and my 800 on the quantitative part put me in the 94th percentile. Effin' engineers, throwing off the curve. I also got a 5.5 out of 6 on the analytical writing section, which put me in the 90th percentile on that (I'm actually kind of offended by the suggestion that between my quantitative, verbal, and writing skills, I'm actually worst at writing relative to the rest of the population. That's horse poop!). But basically, I am l337 h@x0rz.

I can't handle this!

The election is so close, and I am so far away! By the way, the Republican from Western Pennsylvania I work with believes Obama is a Muslim and that he loves Islam more than America and wants me to be aware of it. We got in a fight about it, and he sits right behind me. Ughhhh!! The nerve. He just plopped this ridiculous e-mail forward on my desk. So inappropriate.

It's that time of the leap-year cycle...

...for an Election Day Drinking Game!!! I've been incubating this idea for a few days, and I think it's just about ready to hatch. Here's what I have in mind:

Before coverage starts, everyone has to pick a party. If someone picks a party that is not Democrat or Republican, they have to drink a bottle of Everclear. You should also print a copy of the CNN election map.

One sip every time...

A state is called in favor of the opposing party (make it a gulp if it's one of the states designated in yellow on the CNN election map)

You hear one of the following words or phrases:

• Real America
• Washington insiders
• Failed policies
• Maverick
• My friends
  

Someone mentions:

• William Ayers
• Jeremiah Wright
  
• Joe the Plumber (make it a gulp if they mention his record deal)
  
• Obama's grandmother
  
• Robocalls
• Sarah Palin's clothing
• Race as a factor in the election
• Small town values
• The Bridge to Nowhere
• Scranton, PA
• Riding the train

Someone is interviewed on the subject of exit polls

Tina Fay appears on the screen (make it a gulp if she is being interviewed live)

A candidate is shown committing an obvious gaffe

A beer commercial is aired

One gulp every time...

Barack Obama is accused of being (make it a sip if it's only someone talking about someone else's accusations):

• A Muslim
• A terrorist
• A Socialist (make it a sip if he's only accused of supporting Socialist tax policies)

Sarah Palin's experience in energy policy is used to support her foreign policy credentials

A state goes for the opposite party indicated on the CNN election map

The news network has technical difficulties

Enjoy!

Update:

Do you really want this man steering our country?!

Return of the Kinder

The supercalifragilistic, but not expialidocious, John Kinder returns for a second interview:

MFL: Did you have to do an internship before you went? And if not, would you recommend doing one?
Kinder: No, and no not really. I have no experience, and I'm getting straight-A's and loving school.
MFL: Solid. Is it expensive to go?
Kinder: Yes, very. But they work with people to check any and all forms of scholarship/financial aid that are available to applicants. I think most people have the actual cost of the school cut down by like 1/2 or 2/3, unless they're from wealthy families.
MFL: Excellent. Thank you, sir.
Kinder: Tell her to really check reviews and the backgrounds of all the schools. Some don't have good reputations. Mine had a bad reputation online for some reason, but everyone in California recognizes it as a great institution.
MFL: If you see reviews online, how do you tell whether they're to be trusted?
Kinder: Tell her to call them and express worry that they have a bad reputation, and see how the respond, e-mail chefs that went there, etc. They list their good graduates. I gotta jet, but tell me where she's looking and I can ask my school.
MFL: Okay, solid; thanks.

So there you have it.

Breaking News!

I had no idea...

http://www.cnnbcvideo.com/index.html?nid=JsczY19TRLow7k17YsUQMzYzNzA5MzU-&referred_by=13693680-PdkGJUx


On an unrelated note, what was everyone for Halloween, and are there photos?

...in which Danny lobbies for culinary school

So Nisse:

I talked to the illustrious Jon Kinder (not sure if you know him; the others do), who is at California Culinary Academy, about what he would say to someone considering going to culinary school. Below is my interview with him (edited for clarity and grammar).

MFL: If someone were considering culinary school, what would you tell them?
Kinder: That it is a really great time, and if it's someone who has not enjoyed college because of the lectures, etc., it is great because it's all hands-on. It's pretty much kick-starting my academic career.
MFL: Is it a lot of pressure?
Kinder: No, it's not a lot of pressure. At least at my school, all the teachers are great and funny, and they really help you out -- lots of positive reinforcement, combined with honest criticism.
MFL: Do they usually place you in a good job, or is it tough to do something with it afterwards?
Kinder: With my school, and I think most others, the final two months are an externship, where you apply to work in fancy restaurants, cruise ships, etc., and that is a good networking opportunity that will help you find a good job afterwords. I mean, it's a technical school, so they have really good job placement departments, and tons of opportunities for networking. Some chefs run catering companies and will hire you for weekends, etc., and the school has weekend adventures to wine country and other things like that. So you really can immerse yourself into the culture if you feel so inspired.
MFL: That's tight; I wanna go to culinary school, dammit.
Kinder: Yea, I really recommend the one I'm at: California Culinary Academy in San Francisco.
MFL: Solid; I'll definitely pass that on. Thanks.
Kinder: Word.

Hopefully that's helpful!

Happy Halloween!

Just a couple things:

This is the pumpkin I carved online, because although Koreans include pumpkin in their dishes and I have seen pumpkins growing on a roof near my apartment building, it is apparently impossible to buy whole pumpkins here. But the site is sweet: Pumpkin Simulator .


Also, I got pretty into the whole Halloween thing because it makes teaching so much easier (the kids are actually interested!) So I made 3D pumpkins with them (on the left, below. i made the lollipop ghosts with Alex......Alex explains herself in a comment on the first post of this blog.) I now have the most festive desk in the office, what with the two more pumpkins on the right side of my desk!
I miss America, but at least I get to party in Seoul tonight! (wearing a white crown on my head, no less) Have fun tonight kids.

P.S. If any of you are interested in some solid Halloween worksheets (crosswords and word searches and word scrambles, etc) just to feel like you're in elementary school again , let me know. I could even send you the link for how to make the pumpkins.

the results are in!

wow! great poll! Can you guys guess which one I voted for???



As always,

Hogan

More Jokes!

John let me post this one, because I wanted to be funny, too

Clumsy Body Boarder's Funny Accident - Watch more free videos

This just in: Treadmills dangerous for fat people.

Terrible Treadmill Fail by Fat Kid - Watch more free videos

Halloween Costumes?

Hey what are y'all being for Halloween? I'm having a devil of a time thinking of something I really like. Some of the contenders so far (none of which make me particularly happy:

1) Kenny Loggins: I personally love the idea of being Kenny Loggins, but this is one of those ideas where no one else would find it anywhere near as funny as I do. I haven't shaved in a few days, but I just got a haircut, making the impression a little shakey. Also, the only really distinct image of Loggins I can think of is one which very few people would recognize:



2) A Light Switch: The light switch continues in the theme of mundane objects, embodied in last year's turnstile costume. It also occurs to me that the light switch idea would allow for crass jokes about turning me on, particularly if the switch itself is placed in a suggestive location. I recognize that this isn't particularly funny, and would certainly be open to suggestions in the same line of thinking.

3) Joe the Homeless Guy: The idea here would be a homeless guy making over $250,000 who is concerned that Obama's tax plan would raise his taxes, and is therefore supporting McCain. I find this idea quite clever, but there are two things about it that concern me: first, it requires more than three seconds of explanation, and second, I don't actually support Barack Obama. I don't see those as fatal problems, though. The other question would be how to execute the costume; I'm thinking to dress up as a bum and have the joke somehow represented on a cardboard sign, but what would the sign say? "Homeless please help (and don't let Obama raise my taxes)" with a McCain '08 logo?

I think I like the homeless guy idea best, but what do you guys think?

Update:

I've decided I don't like any of these ideas. After literally spending tonight brainstorming, I have come up with the idea of being a bottle opener. It could be done with cardboard, duct tape, and a little paint. Hehe I'm already bored with Halloween and it hasn't even started yet!

We Got Jokes!

I love silly things...

P.S. So many options....

Let's see, where should I start?
Cookie Monster: Danny; Cena: GRE
OR
Cookie Monster: Hogan; Cena: Danny with his jacket
OR
Cookie Monster: Andy; Cena: his job
OR
Cookie Monster: Me; Cena: Korean students trying to steal the candy I brought in for them

Any more domination going on? Let me know.

By the way....

I think it's time for a new poll. Anyone want to do the honors?

Awkward.

I made a grand ass of myself yesterday so I thought I'd share......

Important Background information:
1 All the teachers at both the middle and the high school, including the vice-principals, work in one large room together.
2 Koreans couples do not live together unless they are married - it's just not done, although that is beginning to change.

So yesterday this American came to my school who taught here a couple of years ago. He was black and dressed in African get up and was talking about his work in West Africa, but he's actually from Flint, Michigan. Anyway so he went around the room saying hello and reuniting with everyone - they were all really glad to see him and so were the kids. When he got around to Wilber (Hilke, the western Pennsylvanian they hired to teach the high schoolers) and me, we talked for a while and it eventually came up that he needed a place to stay. So John and I basically live together because we have apartments in the same building and I wanted to offer this guy a place to stay, but then I was told it was time to leave for the day (this happens very suddenly and you are expected to haul ass when you are told it is time to leave), and the man was on the phone talking to someone who wasn't around that day. As I was leaving, he mentioned again that he needed a place to say and I just blurted out in front of the entire office, "I have an extra apartment!!" And they all looked up at me and were like, "What? Really?". And then just like Nixon I immediately attempted a cover-up and blurted out the dumbest lie to ever be lied: "John's away." oohhhhhh my gooood!!! That was so dumb haha these people are not idiots! We're not allowed to take days off unless school is not in session! Not to mention the fact that John teaches 3 km down the road and the two schools are very much in cahoots with each other - they often know what John is doing before John even knows.

It was silent for like 5 seconds. Well, maybe 3 1/2. They didn't question me because that would be rude in their culture. Honestly, I wish someone was just like bullshit!hahaha there's no way! But instead, it was just awkwardness. Straight up inescapable awkwardness.


When I came into work I thought for sure today I would be fired or something else drastic would happen to me. Like a public whipping or something.
Nothing's happened yet but I've only been here a half hour. I'll keep you posted.

Goodness

Did you guys know that calling someone a socialist was really calling them black? Personally, I've called thousands upon thousands of people a socialist, and not a single one of them was an African American.

Nisse, are you black?

http://voices.kansascity.com/node/2493

Breaking News: The Tampa Bay Devil Rays suck.

Breaking News deuce: It snowed earlier, which sucks more.

Breaking News x 3: I've posted!

Buffalo?

Learn How to Make Pants, Old Navy!

My mom and I went to Old Navy yesterday to look for something they didn't end up having, and they randomly handed us this little Halloween bag with some coupons in it. One of those coupons was good for $150 of free clothes, as long as we used it between yesterday and today. Sweet! $150 of free stuff, and we didn't even buy anything the first time!

So we went back today and I tried to find some decently fitting khaki pants, since I need those. And in the entirety of Old Navy, there was one pair of pants which fit anywhere close to decently. Therefore I proclaim, LEARN HOW TO MAKE EFFIN' PANTS, OLD NAVY!

However, I did score some pretty baller sweatpants. Life is good.


Update:

I just watched Jet Li's first movie, Shaolin Temple, and it was pretty decent. However, it had just about the worst ending possible (obviously don't read on if you want to see it). There was this babely girl from another Shaolin temple that Jet Li met in the middle of the movie (she was a "secular student," not a monk, so she can get married). She had this anklet thing with little bells on it, and she said that she was supposed to marry the guy who had the matching bells. Well, Jet Li has the other bells, but he's a Shaolin monk. So there's this sexual tension subplot through the entire kung fu movie and it's awesome (particularly because she's really bangin'). He can't marry her because he's a monk, but throughout the movie he's calling out the monastic order for being too distracted from real-world issues, and there's even a point where he talks about leaving the temple for good (though not to marry her, but rather to avenge the death of his parents, who were killed by the same guy who the girl's parents were killed by, so she has the same mission). So Jet Li's character is super conflicted throughout the movie.

Meanwhile, there's this other guy who's with them the whole time and very obviously has a crush on the girl (he's a secular student with the babely girl). He finds out that Jet Li has the anklet bells, and after a brief tantrum, tries to help Jet Li get to the girl. Of course, she has been kidnapped by the guy they all want to kill, and they fight to the death. After they kill the bad guy, Jet Li gives the bells to the other guy and tells him to give them to the girl. He then proceeds to bounce, while the other guy calls after him to tell him that he can't go through with it. Then the girl sees that the other guy has the bells, and says "So you had the bells the whole time?" and he hesitantly says "Uhh...yes!" And Jet Li turns as he walks away and waves goodbye. The end.

WHAT?! THAT SUCKS!!! UGH!!

Wow.

This. Just. Happened.



Update:

Try to remove the video from the tubernets, will you, Break.com? I counter with a likely-illegal YouTube copy!

Today's Word of the Day: not made up, either

Word of the Day ▼X?
Background:
ideate Definition: (verb) Form a mental image of something that is not present or that is not the case. Synonyms: conceive of, envisage, imagine Usage: Such characters represent a grotesquely blown-up aspect of an ideal man...if not realizable, capable of being ideated.

Baby Eats Crack

I can't make this stuff up.

Herrooooo ra ra ra ra ra

Herro everybody! How are all my Joes the Plumber out there?

Andy here, hangin out in Madison with my new kitteh Steeeeeve. Yeah, I know, I'm one of those weird cat guys now. I wanted a dog, but I figured that a cat is just a lazy man's dog. I keep thinking I have to do something for it, but no, I really don't. What could be more appropriate for a lazy bastard such as I?

I'm still working for the UW Grad school as a marketing specialist and web designer, aka two things I know absolutely nothing about. Somehow I've managed to fool 'em, and apparently have done a good job of it. They gave me a raise and promotion so that I can live my dream of siphoning more of your tax dollars for no good reason.

Some fun facts about Andy:

• I watch PBS daily
• I eat enough Pizza to kill a herd of bison
• Jesus really turned that water into Diet Pepsi (right Danny?)
• I kind of want a blackberry, but I don't know

Other than that, I am still thoroughly undecided about this election. I'm pretty sure I'm one of 6.4 people left in the world that can say that. Whoever can guess my leanings wins a super-secret surprise to be named later. I am still thoroughly appreciative of the residents of 408 for leaving a contact case out just for me, in case that rare occasion occurred when I passed out on your couch or in your bathroom, and I'm looking forward to figuratively passing out all over this blog.

Oh $h!t! Git 'Em!

And I quote:

They've done it. The McCain campaign has gone and pissed off Miss Virginia.

I think that should about seal things. Nisse, don't worry about a thing; we'll be heading straight for massive government involvement in health care in no time at all!


And apparently, unlike Sarah Palin, she has been interviewed by Chris Matthews.

Read the whole article here.

Update:

To her credit, Sarah Palin is the greatest person to ever exist. Evidence:


Yes, that's right folks. Sarah Palin in a scarf emblazoned with the word "Vote," covered in donkeys. The world is a beautiful place.

@#$%

I am so sick of hearing about Joe the plumber. Can't these guys drop it already? McCain just started a whirlwind "Joe the plumber" tour of Florida.... and now Obama is talking about Joe the CEO and all sorts of crap like that.

I mean, we appreciate them dumbing down their policies and everything- but if our presidential candidates can't think of more than one example in a presidential election that relates to the general public, maybe thats a bigger problem.

And plumbers? really? Where are all these up and coming plumbers just on the verge of becomming so popular that they are moving into a different tax bracket? I don't know if everybody has forgotten what plumbers do- but its not fun. Its not something you chose to do. Its something you do when you are SHIT OUT OF LUCK.

I think I need to stop reading the news so often.

GRE=n00b

I hope the Smithiwick's led to a solo naked dance party...

...like it did for Socrates. Congrats for real, though, that's awesome!

John, do you really speak German? Kühl! (that's all I've learned since the last post)

I'm so bored, I have nothing to do until I move, and it's rainy and cold so I have nowhere to go. In the meantime, some things I am fond of in Spain:

1. Cafe con leche--1 euro for excellent espresso with milk--and yes, it still makes me deaf, but I'm deaf IN SPAIN.
2. Siesta
3. 'El hormiguero'--sort of like a Conan O'Brien interview show, except they do scientific experiments with the guests, and there are ant puppets in the middle of the host's desk: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HRR0yzHyUQ&feature=related
4. The food, of course. Garlic, olive oil, seafood, ham, tortillas, etc etc. All delicious, and cheap!
   
5. Paz Vega
6. People walk their dogs without leashes! This never fails to amuse me.

People are also very interested in the election, although everyone here KNOWS Obama is going to win. It's refreshing, but scary that it might not happen.

Anyway, it has stopped raining, I'm going for a walk! 'Til soon all.

more domination

Congrats!

And since I know you are not doing anything right now, I have some good news for you:

1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07kO9TtHYzQ
2. (watch it)
   
3. I am going to mail your jacket tomorrow. Seriously. Maybe Friday.... at the LATEST. Danny, seriously, that jacket is as good as not in the back of my closet right now. For real.

as always,

Hogan

How Do You Say "Dominated" in Korean?

I just pwned that exam's face. 700 on the verbal and 800 on the math; the writing section still needs to be graded. Hopefully that gets me into Arizona!


Unfortunately, however, I'm stranded at my mom's house, which means Sarah's celebration plan won't work. And try as I might, I've been unable to locate either a cat or a bear. Accordingly, I've acquired a 6-pack of Smithwick's fine Irish Ale, and will spend the evening bumming around the house. To be honest, I'm not too displeased by the prospect of that; that exam was effin' exhausting. Thanks for all the well-wishes!

Danny > GRE

Dude you've got this.

Now listen. If you want to celebrate having taken the GRE, you must first NOT listen to my boyfriend, who thinks you can have fun with a cat. Ridiculous.

Instead, head over to my parents' house. They drink every night! They'll show you a good time. No I'm kidding - that's a bad idea. Really, I think you should make s'mores and drink mead with your dad in front of the fireplace. Instead of ridiculous, you could have sublime! Think about it! There you have "get wasted", "inexpensive" (your dad would obviously furnish the supplies), and "in good company"!! And when you're done making s'mores, you can hatch a plan to take over the world with the old man. Oh my gosh, another fun game is Indian Poker. In case you don't know how to play, stick a card on your forehead facing out (don't look at it!) and make bets on whose card is higher based on the other's reactions. Hilarious.




+








+ ++
= very fun time!

Lastly, did I mention how great you look today? ;)