...in which Danny visits the desert

So while Hogan has been softening his brain in front of the television, I've been gettin' some book knowledge instead.  May I introduce to you the most important treatise of our generation: Human Survival on a Plutionium-Contaminated Planet by Charles L. Hyder, PhD.

This is just another classic from the great folks that brought us Inconstant Bard: The Poetry of Rick Allen and the timely classic, Last of the Nice Girls: How a Nice Girl from the British Empire Ends Up a Witch in the New Mexico Desert.

I say "timely" classic because I just so happen to be in the desert of Tucson, Arizona as I type this.  I have not become a witch, thank goodness, and I have the author of that fine book to thank for that, no doubt.  Hogan may have puppets, but yodeling won't keep him from being burned at the stake with the rest of the sorceresses!

Speaking of religious indignation against sinners...remember Brother Jed from in front of the Humanities Building?  Y'know, the guy who stood at the beginning of State Street shouting out absurd moralistic screeds warning the student body about the dangers of cavorting with promiscuous women?   Flanked by the cronies with the giant signs explaining what sorts of people were destined to hell?

Well I always wondered what happened to those fine folks over the winter...and now I know.  It appears that they migrate!  Yes, it's true: the other day while I was strolling around campus here, I had the pleasure of sitting in on one of Brother Jed's excellent open-air lectures.  It was breathtaking.  I will never let those temptresses get ahold of me again!  I'm just overwhelmed by how lucky I am to have made it this far!

And by "this far," I of course mean "to the point of accepting my offer to the University of Arizona."  I know it isn't a big surprise to anyone, but today I officially signed my admission offer.  So now I'm a Wildcat!  I was hoping to leverage that new status to talk some serious crap about the NCAA tournament, but the reaming delivered to U of A earlier sort of deflates that idea.

I'll update soon with some highlights of the trip, but for now it shall suffice to say that Arizona is just about as awesome as Hogan is a weenie.  And I defy you to attempt to establish that what I mean is that Arizona is not awesome.

yodeling lessons

Dear everybody,

I think that this is a good time to break my silence by pronouncing the last post as 'not funny at all'.  And of course this is much, much funnier.

watch me! watch me!

enjoy,

Hogan

I bet he doesn't want to hear about anybody's girlfriend problems ever again

You just have to read this. I am sitting in my cubicle giggling maniacally.

What you've always needed!

Yes it does exist, and here is an excerpt:

18 Now, teh burth of teh Christ was liek dis: After Marry and Joseph waz all "We's gonna get marrieded, kthnx", but before dey could had hankiez pankiez Mary was all preggarz from Teh Ceiling Cat.19 Joseph was liek "I has virjn - NOOOO dey be stealin my virjn! Must hied hur".20 But when he was tihnkin, zomg, a BirdCat frm Ceiling Cat was liek, "Oh hai! Iz in ur dreemz, givin u messij. Don be scairdy cat. Taek Mary as ur wife - is virjn. But teh Forse is strong in tihs wun, lol! HovrCat is on hur, givn hur babby, srsly." So Joseph was liek " Oh yey. Iz gonna luv him and squeez him and call him George."21 But BirdCat was liek "No, you gonna call him bahbeh Jeebus, cso George bad name, srsly. cuz he save kittehs frum bein bad kittehs. Kthxbai."22 So all dis was all did cuz Ceiling Cat had sed it wud be. Him proffit was all liek:23 "Hay guise, luk! teh virjn is all preggers, and dey gonna call him A-manual", dat be joospeek for "Ceiling Cat wit us"24 Then Joseph walked up, dun wat teh BirdCat frm Ceiling Cat tolded him too, and was all liek "U wit me now lol" at Mary.25 And dey didnt has Hankiez Pankiez til affer dey gets a son and calleded him Jeebus. Kthnx.

Matthew 1:18-25 from the LOLcat Bible.

NOTICE

Thanks to http://www.davidshrigley.com
good stuff man.

True Fact

The correct job title for a person who sells fish and seafood is "Fishmonger." I just thought everyone should know.

9-1-1: "Ma'am, we are not going to go down there and enforce your western bacon cheeseburger."

BK is a heinous criminal organization.

Amazing. Simply amazing.

Smile With Your People

Here are two pictures of my brand-new, shiny red bike:


A little blurry, but oh well. Here's a close-up of the bell and the basket, because they are especially important:

That's right. The helmet matches the bike.



One last thing:

Just taste this cake.

Random thought

"Mood lighting" generally means dimming lights to make a room darker, but not so dark that you can't see the other person well. Why would this be associated with intimacy and romance? My first intuition is that it has to do with smoothing out imperfections in people's skin, masking flaws, etc. But it seems like if this were the point, then we would find even darker lighting conditions more romantic, where only the essential features of our partner would be visible. Here's my hypothesis: when people are attracted to other people, their pupils dilate. The same thing happens in low light, but at sufficiently low levels of light, this would be difficult to observe. By dimming the lights just enough, we effectively create an illusion of constant attraction for ourselves. Any scientists in the room can feel free to attempt to test this...

Has Anyone Seen This Man??

Male Caucasian
Age 22 (almost 23)
Height approx 1.8 m

Can be seen poking around National Parks, bars, and landscape architecture studios. Will very likely be enjoying himself, as he has a tendency to do that. DO NOT LET THIS PUT YOU OFF. Feel free to interrupt his good time and tell him people are wondering where the hell he is.

Thanks in advance for your help.

- The Mimosas